I am one way within myself, with god;
Am I really that benevolent?
Am I really that kind?

And how am I with others?
Can others see that benevolence within me? Do others see a kind person?

Or do they not see my genuine internal kindness and understanding because I am afraid of getting attacked in the naked vulnerability of my kindness externally and losing that kindness if I am?
Losing it as in getting affected by it, getting carried away in the moment.

No matter what, show vulnerability. Or else you come off cold, and nobody sees that genuineness.

Better the kindness gets affected by your blood getting offended in an attack than not showing kindness at all and keeping it within your mind.
Better to be vulnerable than not at all.

By being vulnerable, you are transferring the kindness internal (mind) over to your body (blood).

When you are attacked in your vulnerability (showing your kindness through your body, uncomfortable state, maybe even forced)—kindness in body:
You have at least practiced transferring that kindness to your body and challenged the strength and endurance of your blood.

Whereas if you kept that kindness in your mind, you would never have actually been kind, hence how other people see you and you actually being kind.

Whereas if you kept that kindness in your mind and not transferred it to your blood, your blood would still be enduring as the stronger—as the one that has the upper hand from your mind in being prideful, cold, shielded (also notice how all of these "shields" against vulnerability don't actually make you happier or safer. In fact, they make you suffer more.)

Mind: kind and benevolent
Blood: cold and prideful

Mind: kind and benevolent
Blood: ?

Right now, you are at a threshold, figuring out what is in your mind and your blood.
You want your kindness within your mind to win and to be benevolent; to show love.

But your mind and blood cannot coexist; the stronger one will eventually take over both the mind and blood.

This means that if your blood is unable to show the kindness you feel in your mind,
If your blood keeps its bodily representation of pride in fear of vulnerability, those feelings of pride and coldness will eventually spill over to your mind.
The roots of kindness within your mind need your body and blood to accept it and show it to others in order to flower.
If you cut off the root at the top right before it is able to bloom, it will rot and die, and the result will be worse than if you had tried vulnerability. It will be worse than nothing, too. It will be a mind in constant turmoil, regret, shut-off, pride, shame, guilt, and coldness towards the world and others.

It will be you against the world.
But it doesn't have to be.
If you let people see the flower, they will look at you and admire you, they will water you and be your sunshine.
You can hold on to them to survive, and the roots of kindness in your mind will thrive and be stronger than ever.
It will thus be very hard to get rid of your kindness because it will have taken massive foundation within your roots and your flower—your internal self (mind) and body-external self (blood).

And over time, you will maintain your kindness even via attacks—not because you feel it, but because you insert that feeling of kindness into yourself by force; you hold on to it like it'll be the death of you if you don't.