Autism

I keep searching for a script to put a name on it

for me to depict and you to finally get

the feeling in this body,

but all I find for the phenomenon are poems passively suggesting to be heard

I don't need to be heard

I need you to fucking stop for a holy second

I need you to let me walk

your doted normalcy and worshipped grind stampede over my body as I just try to-

stop, see I'm trying to explain what the fuck is going on in my body

It's the weighted blanket around my body disguised as air every time I'm up,

this sizzle that makes sound when I move through space

through space, through space,

air is not empty and there are things in there that touch my body without touching it,

but surround it, and I breathe

like a huge shadow is standing right behind me and my head is shaking it's shaking and I can't stop it so i put my fingers on my chin,

a singular portrait of someone turning over their shoulder the second before they face the subject of horror,

they know it's there, and its worse than before,

and worse than after

through that moment in time I walk and try to understand

try to make you understand but you don't

you don't and never fucking will because you're what they call normal and unaware of this thickness in the air

do you know what I am?

will be, what I've become?